Procrastination and combinatory play!
That’s right procrastination.
When you have had the inspiration, you know what you want to do, it feels great, it feels awesome, it feels amazing, it feels joyful. Please do it NOW then.
Why? Because even if you KNOW how amazing it is going to be, if you don’t do it NOW, you will lose that momentum after. And it wont mean that you wont want to do it anyway. It just means that it will be HARDER. Much HARDER to do it. Because you will have to face all of the resistances that are so much EASIER to face and overcome when you are also feeling so excited and inspired.
So right, I went and had a pizza last night to celebrate, and half a glass of wine. It was nice. I don’t regret it. But my momentum is lost somehow.
Everything is perfect though, and it is!! Because if not I would not be here right now writing my first article about this amazing amazing phenomenon that is FEAR.
Because all what procrastination is IS fear.
And I want to clarify something as well. Because lately I have made the difference between procrastinating and, well wait, I have to go look at my notes cause I forgot the name, here it is, and Combinatory play! Ha! Well that’s pretty awesome right!! What is it? Oh nothing more than Einstein’s greatest method to unlock ideas when he felt blocked on something. I LOVE how the universe goes. So I was pissed the other day because I was triggered and questioned on what I was doing and if I was not just distracting myself by working on this blog, and well actually, you know if I was not procrastinating… It touched me because probably a part of me was still not taking myself so seriously and was worried deep down that I was just Bullshitting myself. So anyway, it led me to thinking. And the most awesome thing happened. I went to a café and read the book Big Magic which has this amazing power to just put you directly back into big magic. Like honestly this book is a masterpiece. Its energy is just so flowing, so light, so fun, so funny. Anyway back to the point. So I was reading it and laughing with it (so good!), and there it was. I found this. The author suddenly answered my unasked question by telling that story about combinatory play. How it is actually by letting go sometimes and doing something fun or exciting that brings you joy and that has at first glance nothing to do with your prior concern, that it will actually do something, connect the dots in your brain, and give you a solution you had never thought of. It opens the creativity. It creates links between ideas and themes that are at first glance not connected. And it creates magic. I believe it is also a HUGE pressure release. And while I stumbled into this explanation, I started to feel joy and recognized the sensation of truth unfolding in front of my eyes. That’s right. My blog was not procrastination to my creation of business. My blog was combinatory play. And actually, I started to think of other times this happened and realized this has been my process for ever. I never truly had understood it. But I always “knew” deep down, when to stop working on something and just go do something else, not something that “distracts me” but something that releases my stress or gives me joy. Like playing tennis. Or dancing. My coaching business ideas that I have had so far, I got them dancing like a crazy person in my living room. Did I intentionally dance to get idea? No!! Absolutely not!! Did not even crossed my mind!! I danced because I suddenly felt like dancing! And I was having a blast! I love imagining that on the other side of my French windows there is a big crowd of people and that I am on stage. Wait, no I think about that more when I sing and that I put my mic-stand in the middle of my living room. Anyway.
It suddenly all made sense. Something connected inside of me and the great outcome that I see is the END of guilt! Because when I follow my inspiration even if it looks like something that is not “efficient” or “goal-oriented”, well, I actually move forward even more!!
So, this has been my big discovery and led to me taking all of this even more seriously.
Anyway, to go back to my first point, now I make this HUGE difference between what IS procrastination, and what IS Combinatory play.
And today I admit it, I was procrastinating.
So how do I differ the two you may ask? Very easy. Combinatory play feels awesome! It’s joy and whatever values matter to you. It feels RIGHT. Because even if a part of you “believes” that you “should” be at your desk right now designing a 6 year plan of you life; another part, which is light, safe, kind and higher, believes and KNOWS you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Now, we could say that even when you are procrastinating, you are where you are supposed to be. True. Because again, everything is right, so if you have to procrastinate again it’s ok, it means you still have to learn something from this behavior that does not serve your best interest. Yes because procrastination let’s face it, it does not serve you so well. It is instant gratification, instant pleasure to release a tension, but when you do it, you can TELL inside of yourself that it is not right. You feel like you “WASTED” your time, because you are not in the flow, you are not in the present. In fact, what you are probably doing is trying your best not to feel that emotion that creates procrastination: anxiety and fear. Because whenever you are about to do something important for you, well, you become shit scared!! What if it works! What If it doesn’t! What if what if what if! And from my coaching training, I would answer to you something that is SO SO SO helping and that you should tell yourself everytime those questions arise: “I don’t answer what if questions”. That’s right. Just don’t answer them. Don’t let your mind wonder. Just do it.
And if the emotion is already too much present, then SIT with it. Face it. Take it in your arms and cuddle it. Because all it is, it is a demand for love and reassurance. That no matter what happens or not, you are loved, and you are worthy. So give it to yourself. Answer your needs. Because the chocolate, or the cigarette, or the sex, or the alcohol, or the time out with friends will make you “forget” about that feeling for a second; but then you’ll come back home, and what will happen… you’ll feel this emptiness, and loneliness. And worse if you have critical self-talk, you’ll have guilt and shame on top of it. So the way out will be even harder.
I once read a quote from someone and it said something like it will never be the right time to do what matters the most to you, and that you will always always have resistance to do the most important thing. That is super human and super normal. And everyone that suffers from that knows (and anyway that’s true for me), that it is not to actually do it that is hard, it is to start. To just start that first sentence, that first note, that first anything. Just to Start.
How many times have I found myself taking months or even years to do something that really matter to me, and then once I finally start, I can’t believe how awesome and cool and easy it is, and I don’t want to stop. I probably end up going to bed super late cause I don’t wanna stop, but that’s another story. Oh also, when I say that really matter, I mean the kind of things that when you think of yourself on your death bed you really hope that you will KNOW that you have DONE those things otherwise you would feel nothing but regret. I think often about that. Actually, it is a very good way for me to make decisions on big life changes.
So that’s it. I was procrastinating this morning. I started to be all scattered, almost ended up going to see a theatre show with a friend, almost took a nap, almost watched a trailer, almost wrote an email, almost researched on the internet for IT advices on domain names… and then while my stomach was getting more and more upset, I said STOP. Charlotte, just DO it. You made a promise to yourself last night. You were excited. You cheered up with yourself (I mean, come on! Who does that anyway.) Honor your commitment with yourself. Don’t abandon yourself. Now that you know what REALLY matters to you. Now that you finally are honest with yourself on your priorities, then honor them. You said yesterday that meant you would spend 4 to 5 hours a day on your creations whatever they were, then go ahead it is already 4pm.
So, I canceled my plans. I stopped my research, I stopped my mails, and while I felt suddenly tired (which was a trick and was just huge resistance), while sitting in my bed in my pyjamas with greasy hair, I grabed my computer. Out of battery, well the charger is RIGHT here. Looking for a word, well your notebook is right here. You already have everything you need. I already have everything I need.
I hope this post was inspiring and helpful.
I feel already better and more aligned.
Sayonara babes! <3
Much love
Charlotte
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